Forever Moore (Moore Family Book 1) Page 8

  “The discussion with Scott was a tough one. But unfortunately, I needed to hear what it was that he had to say. I won’t get into all the specifics, but essentially, he is worried about you and me. I meant what I said last night. I want to stay here. My job, I do love it, but it has become so lonely. Being back home with all of you… it has made me realize just how alone I have been. Except for stalking friends on social media, or talking to Scott on the phone, I am by myself. The past couple of weeks, being here with you—even when you would barely speak to me…” he chuckles. “Well, it is the happiest I have been in a very long time.”

  “If you are lonely, Jackson, get a fucking cat. Not wanting to be alone doesn’t mean the same thing as wanting to be with me,” I seethe. I don’t typically have outbursts like this. But what Jax said pisses me the hell off.

  “Whoa, Tilly, hold-up that isn’t—” Jax starts pleading, but I cut him off.

  “No, Jax. I understand a consequence of your job is loneliness. But you made the choice to be alone. You shut everyone out—you shut me out.” I feel the tears burning behind my eyes. “I won’t lie. I love having you back home. But… I mean… you never really wanted to be here in the first place. Tral Lake was always too small for you. I just don’t want you to risk ruining your career on a whim.” Then blaming me and breaking us in the process, I say to myself.

  “This isn’t a whim, Tilly. I want to stay. I want to give us a chance. Scott had similar concerns as well. He said that I am making a big life-altering decision fueled by grief and regret. But this change in me, it isn’t all just me trying to cope with what happened. Being home has only highlighted feelings I’ve had for a long time. Not to mention, seeing how easily I could have lost you… I don’t want to take that risk again.”

  I sit up and pull away to look at Jax. “You are not the only one with regrets, Jackson. I have a ton as well.” If only he could understand the sheer level of regret that I carry with me. “But it really hurt that throughout all these years, you never reached out. You never attempted once to see me or even talk to me. You called and spoke to Scott and my parents, but never to me. It hurt… feeling like you shut me out.”

  “I am sorry,” Jax says, taking my hand. “It was too difficult. Any time I let my thoughts wander to you, the pain was agonizing. Remembering what we had started, how much I loved you, and how you pushed me away—kind of like you are doing right now.” He holds his hand up in defense, knowing I am about to counter. “I get it. It is no excuse. I understand that I hurt you, and I regret that is how I handled the situation. But I don’t want to just sit here with an acknowledgement and my unending list of regrets. I don’t want any more missed moments… or any more missed opportunities with you. I love my career, Matilda, but I love you more. I am still not exactly certain what that all means or how it will work. But I know I want to make changes in my life. Scott had a lot of good points today… about me staying and about what I could have done differently over the years. It was the reality check that I needed.”

  “What does this mean?” I am so nervous right now that I'm vibrating. I cannot tell if I should be happy or sad yet. Jax squeezes my hand tighter.

  “Well, for starters, I called my boss today. I have a lot of time-off saved that I almost never use… unless I am forced to. I decided to take a brief hiatus from work. I haven’t quit, but I want to spend at least two or three more weeks here with you—to try and figure things out, to try and figure us out.” He pauses taking a deep breath. “We have been apart for a long time, Tilly. While I feel like certain parts of us have rekindled easily, I want to take some time to get to know you again. I feel like I have missed so much of your life. I also want to look at Tral Lake with fresh adult eyes and see what opportunities there are here for me.”

  “I don’t know, Jax. I am not sure I could handle potentially getting attached, and then having you take off again.” I would love a couple more weeks with Jax, but I don’t think I could survive the subsequent heartache… after he leaves.

  “Please, Tilly. I know that I am asking a lot of you. I have plenty of decisions, wait no, we have plenty of decisions to make. I understand that you are going through so much right now, and I don’t want to cause you any more pain. But please, give me a chance?” Jax pleads. And it just about breaks my heart—seeing how desperate he is for this to work, while knowing that it didn’t matter—because I could never give him what he wants.

  “I’m sorry, Jax.” I let go of his hand and move to stand up. “This...” I gesture between the two of us. “...is a lot right now. I am trying really hard to move past my grief, to figure out what my life is like without my parents in it. If I give us this chance... if it doesn’t work out… I am just not sure I will be able to survive that.”

  I look down at Jax. He is still pleading with his eyes, hoping that I’ll reconsider my decision. As much as I want to throw myself at Jax and get lost in his embrace, my heart is too fragile right now. And I am not brave enough to face the devastation he might cause it. “Good night, Jackson.” I give him a quick kiss on the forehead before going back inside, up to my room, and locking the door.

  Chapter 13

  Jackson

  I can’t believe she said no—is all I can think, as I stare down into my third glass of whiskey for the evening. Was I really that wrong about us? I know I messed up, and that I have a lot to make up for because of it. But honestly, I had assumed she would at least give us this chance. That we would finally try to be something more than a summer fling, or whatever the heck we have been doing? Maybe her feelings died for me a long time ago, and recently, all this has been is nothing more than grief sex?

  “Seat taken?” I look to see Scott sliding onto the stool next to me. He quickly raises a hand to get Letty’s attention. “What the hell happened to you tonight?”

  “Fuck,” I say, wiping my hand over my face. Frankly, I was still trying to figure that out for myself. What in the actual hell did just happen?

  “That bad, huh?” Scott chuckles, taking a swig of the beer Letty had dropped off for him.

  “I don’t understand. I thought about what you said earlier and, as much as I didn’t want to hear it, you were right. So tonight, I made—I actually cooked—Tilly a nice dinner and planned a romantic evening on the deck to watch a meteor shower. I told her that I wanted to stay, that I took time off from work, and that I want to give us and Tral Lake a shot… But Tilly didn’t go for it.”

  “Shit, that sucks. Did she say why?” Scott inquires.

  I recounted to Scott what Tilly had told me this evening. Then how, after she went back inside, I sat waiting—hoping that maybe… she would come back out to me and reconsider my offer. When she didn’t, I went to her room in an attempt to talk to her again, but she locked her door on me.

  “So, what now?” Scott asks, picking apart the burger he ordered.

  “What do you mean? Tilly made it pretty damn clear she wants nothing to do with us.” I quickly down the rest of my whiskey and slam my glass on the bar top. “I fucked up. I should have never stayed away from her. But it was the only way I could handle the distance... to just cut her out of my life. I feel like shit for doing it, but it was the best I could come up with at the time. I can’t imagine going back to work now, and never seeing Tilly again.”

  “Then don’t,” Scott adds matter-of-factly.

  “What am I supposed to do? Go to work and torture myself, try and call or visit as much as I can, and risk that Tilly will continue to shut me out?”

  “So, that’s it then. You are just giving up. Figured as much,” Scott says, shrugging his shoulders.

  I stand up and shove his arm. “What the hell, man?” I yell in the bar, gaining some attention.

  Scott stands and faces me. While we are the same height, he feels taller right now. It’s likely (that in my drunken state) I am not standing up fully. Scott shoves me back. “You heard me.”

  “That isn’t fair, Scott. Tilly made her point pretty fucking
clear tonight. Shit, she even locked me out of her room.”

  “So what?” Scott seethes. “You say you love Tilly… you say you want to stay here with her. That you are taking time off to explore this relationship and where it might lead. The first obstacle in your way, and you are already bailing. You are a coward, Jackson…”

  I am not sure what comes over me, but Scott has fucking pissed me off. I don’t let him finish. Without realizing I am even doing it, my fist collides with the side of his face. What the hell is wrong with me? In the span of a week, I have hit two guys I’ve grown up with like family.

  Scott wipes the small amount of blood dripping from his lip. He looks down at the red smear on his hand before looking back at me. The Cheshire grin that spreads across his face is my only warning. It happens so fast… In my drunken state, I barely have a chance to defend myself. Scott pulls me by the collar of my shirt and returns the face punch I gave him. White hot agony burns in my jaw, and I collapse on the ground as he lets go of me.

  Lying on the bar floor I groan, but Scott isn’t finished. Kneeling down, he picks me up by the collar for a second time and throws another blow. “As I was saying, Jax, you are a fucking coward. The first sign of trouble, and you are already packing your bags… ready to leave Tilly behind again. She deserves someone who will fight for her. Not some asshole who is going to break her heart before galivanting across the world. What? You think maybe you’ll come back in ten more years, and Tilly will be here sitting and waiting for you?”

  The flood of rage from Scott’s words (and the pain radiating from my jaw) sobers me up enough to fight back. I shove Scott off of me, and we both stand—each of us eyeing up our opponent. I am about ready to take my shot when Letty comes between us. “What the fuck, you guys? What the hell is wrong with you?”

  “He started it,” Scott and I both say in unison.

  “I don’t give a rat’s ass who started it. I am ending it.” Letty looks sternly between the two of us. “And you…” Letty points at me. “You need to stop fighting with your brothers in this bar. Do it again, and I will ban your ass.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He is leaving anyway,” Scott sneers at me.

  Letty moves out of the way as I lunge at Scott. We are a mixture of grappling and blows as we take our fight outside. The cold air is shocking against my hot skin. I look at Scott’s heaving chest and bloodied face, guessing mine must look similar. As I throw another hit, Scott sweeps my leg, knocking me down onto the concrete.

  “So, is this it, then?” Scott asks, yelling in my face.

  “What do you want from me?” I yell back. My head is swimming with whiskey and Scott’s words.

  “If you want to be with Tilly, it is time you start acting like it.”

  “What am I supposed to do if she is pushing me away?” I ask.

  “You have what—two to three weeks you took off, right?” Scott recalls.

  “Yea, but what’s the point? Tilly was adamant that she’s not interested in pursuing anything with me… anymore. The vacation seems a little unnecessary now.”

  “I don’t see how the plan has changed?” Scott says, pulling me up from the ground to stand. “You wanted to take time off, to give you and Tilly a shot, and to figure out a career to keep you here? So what if Tilly turned you down at first? That doesn’t mean you should pack your bags and take off. If you want Tilly and you want to stay here with her, then prove it,” Scott retorted, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m out of here,” Scott says before walking away.

  “Prove it?” I let the idea roll around in my mind. Quickly coming up with a plan, I smile and yell to Scott, “Fuck, man, you are brilliant!”

  ∞∞∞

  The next morning, I wake with my head pounding. Partially from the hangover, but mostly because of the beating Scott gave me.

  I could tell Tilly was giving me the cold shoulder. She woke up earlier than normal for work, and it seemed as if she was trying to be extra quiet in doing so. Looking at the kitchen, it appeared as though she had even skipped breakfast to avoid running into me. But that is fine. I know where she is going, and I will not let her keep me at a distance… for long.

  I quickly get up, get dressed for the day, and make sure to grab my camera and a few lenses. I spend most of the morning walking around Main Street, taking some pictures, and enjoying the updates the shops have made to their outward appearances. I do not remember there being this much foliage on Main Street before—it looks as though a lot of new trees have been planted. They also installed some cobblestone and lined the sidewalk with those vintage-style lampposts. They are definitely going for that classic old town feel.

  Around noon, I rush over to the diner to grab a couple of sandwiches to go. Entering the book store, I don’t immediately see Tilly. She must be in the back. After a brief pause, I hear her call out. “One moment, please.” I set the bags down on the counter and wait. Not long after, she comes rushing from the office. “I am so sorry to make you w—” She gives me a curious glance. “What are you doing here?” Tilly takes in my appearance, her brow furrows in concern. “What happened to you?”

  I give her a giant smile, ignoring her inquiry, and hold up one of the bags. “I thought I would bring you lunch.”

  “Oh, thank you,” she says, cautiously taking it from me. She doesn’t press any further into my appearance. While I can tell she is concerned, her need to distance herself from me has overpowered her curiosity. I wonder if she has seen Scott, and if he looks as bad as I do. “Well, I better get back to work.”

  She turns, attempting to sneak away, but I stop her. “Sure, what do you need help with?”

  “Oh, nothing.” She waves her hand, dismissing my inquiry. “I’m going to eat real quick. I’ll see ya later.” Tilly doesn’t give me a chance before she disappears again.

  Quickly, I scarf down my sandwich. I won't lie, I am a little bummed that she wouldn’t even eat lunch with me. But oh well, I am not giving up that easy. Scott (though maybe he was being an asshole about it) was right. If I want Tilly, then I need to start fighting to be with her and not give up at the first sign of trouble.

  ∞∞∞

  The next morning, I am the one to sneak out early, and prior to Tilly waking up. Scott (surprisingly) agreed to help me by getting me into the shop before it opens. While I can tell things are tense between us, I think he is happy seeing me actually make an effort. I had noticed yesterday, while eating lunch there, that the place needed a good scrubbing. And with her injuries, I didn’t want Tilly to get hurt trying to climb up the ladders to dust or something.

  I have been dusting, mopping, and polishing the shop for about two hours already when I hear the front shop doorbell ring, indicating that Tilly is entering. Fortunately, I am just about finished. “Oh. My. God!” Tilly exclaims.

  Coming to the front, I see Tilly admiring the freshly polished wood fixtures and overall clean appearance of the shop. She must have sensed me approaching, because quickly turning around, she asks, “Did you do all of this?”

  “Yes,” I admit coyly.

  “How?” Tilly shakes her head. “I mean I know how, but how?”

  Chuckling, I respond, “Scott let me in early this morning and showed me where all the supplies were.”

  “Thank you,” she whispers. “I won’t lie… This is probably the cleanest I have ever seen the shop before.”

  “I saw that it could use a good dusting yesterday, and well, I didn’t want you to risk hurting yourself trying to crawl around or climb things with that cast on your arm.” As she admires the store, I take this opportunity to get closer to her. “Also, while I was cleaning, I noticed a few things. Changing up the displays and moving a couple of shelves could really brighten up the space. I would love to help you.”

  “You don’t need to do that, Jax. This…” She gestures around the room. “…is plenty. I can’t ask you to do anything more.”

  “You aren’t asking, Tilly. I am offering.” I seize the opening and tak
e her hand into mine. “Please, let me help out?”

  Tilly looks at me for a long moment. I can’t tell exactly what is running through her head. But I know she is thinking through all the pros and cons of allowing me to help around the shop.

  “Okay,” she sighs, as though signaling a sound of defeat—with whatever internal battle she had been fighting. “I could really use some assistance around here… if you are up for it.”

  “I am more than up for it.” I smile back at her, knowing that I am slowly eating away at the wall she has built around this concept of “us”. I don’t care if I need to spend every waking moment for the next three weeks trying to convince her that I am serious. It will be worth every pain-staking second.

  Chapter 14

  Matilda

  It has been weird having Jax at the shop. He has been here every day for the last week helping me out. And not just with cleaning, but with everything. He has helped me finish up the inventory project I started with my dad before the accident. He suggested we change almost the whole layout of the shop, and he is right—it makes it seem so much larger and more open. He even helped me create a few new endcaps to do more feature sections.

  On top of all that, he has also been assisting me with taking over the shop's social media, which is the biggest burden I have to deal with. One—I am just not a social media person, so whatever I do on there feels like the cruelest chore imaginable. Two—most of my posts are flat and boring, and I get little to no interaction from people.

  Since Jax has taken over, we have a ton more followers along with a crazy amount of engagements on our posts. Then, to top it off, my online sales have increased this week. And it is all thanks to Jax and his brilliance when it comes to this kind of stuff.